Go back to Anachronox

Written by: Stoo

Date posted: October 29, 2012

Sly Boots
Once a successful private detective, Sly has fallen on hard times. His gorgeous assistant walked out, his secretary is dead and exists only as a digital recreation, and he’s working out of a back room of a bar owned by a friend. He’s broke, out of work, owes a local crime boss money and he drinks too much. He’s also a loud-mouth and a bit of a jerk, so it’s hard to feel entirely sorry for him. Still, apparently it’s up to this guy to save the universe. As vaguely redeeming characteristics, he’s handy with a gun and lock picks.

Grumpos Mastavros
A whiny old man with a beard of epic proportions. In fact he tends to look like a combination of beard and long hair flapping about with a little guy underneath and a shiny bald pate on top. His special skill is to yammer and ramble on at people in his way until they concede and give up just to make him stop talking. A former museum curator, greedy Grumpos has plans to make money through the use of Mystech – an alien substance littering the galaxy that can somehow grant magical powers.


Stiletto Anyway
She used to work for Sly – and he quite fancied her – but she gave that up to become a leather-clad assassin instead. Frankly she’s far sexier than a character with that low a polygon count has any business being. It’s all in the way she moves. Doesn’t get on especially well with Fatima. Lethal with knives. Not above dancing in sleazy bars as part of working undercover.


Boots’ former secretary. After she was killed, he had her recreated as an artificial intelligence within his Lifecursor, which is a kind of super-futuristic PDA and the heart of your in-game interface. Nags Boots constantly to get a job.


Dr Rho Bowman
Given that Stiletto fills the obligatory RPG post of ‘foxy chick in revealing outfit; it’s reassuring that the developers remembered that we might like to see other kinds of female character also. Rho might not have her cleavage on display but she’s the brains behind this outfit. As a maverick scientist she can analyse blueprints and technical data for clues, and wields some seriously wacky hi-tech weaponry.


The world of Democratus possesses fantastic technology. Unfortunately it’s also a bureaucratic nightmare, run by managers and administrators who are, to be fair, wimps. Afraid to take any decisions, they put anything and everything to the vote. One sequence of the game sees you saving the world – paralysed by its own run-by-committee nature – from alien attack. In gratitude, they shrink their planet down to about five feet in diameter and join your team. Which means you have the most annoying civillisation in the galaxy following you around, but at least they have nifty defence lasers and tractor beams to help you out.


Paco “El Puńo” Estrella
An eight foot spandex-wearing superhero from the planet Krapton, Paco is currently suffering from depression and lack of self-confidence. The comic-book company that immortalised his adventures closed down, and the galaxy doesn’t seem to want or need his kind any more. He’s going bald, has forgotten how to fly and turned to drinking. Fortunately, his motivation is restored after a touching scene rescuing a young girl from an abandoned military base. A man of very few words, Paco’s huge fists and super-strength allow him to deliver a serious battering to any foes.

I should also point out, Ion Storm beat Pixar Studios by three years on this clapped-out-superhero gag.


Boots’ robotic lackey and oldest friend. Has a slightly dodgy black servant-boy accent, then again maybe that’s a satire on how a commercial servant robot could turn out. His small-but-plucky nature can be endearing, and he’s vital if you want to hack into computer systems.