Go back to Pro Evolution Soccer 4

Written by: Rik

Date posted: May 26, 2010

It seems that certain players in PES will just never play well for you. Regardless of what their stats say, or however much you try to give them a chance, they manage to bugger it up time and time again.

Now, you might argue that this kind of thing is purely psychological, and it would of course be perfectly reasonable to point out that you are, after all, the one in control of all your players, bar the goalkeeper. Still, I always found it cathartic to have a scapegoat (or two) in the squad, someone who only needs to misplace one pass before you phone the tabloids from the bench and declare that he’s played his last game for the club.

 

Milan Baros

PES: Possibly a case of allowing ill-feeling towards the actual player seep over into the game, Baros nevertheless seems as hopeless a footballer in PES as he does in real life. Perennially offside, often failing to retain the ball when it comes his way, and seemingly unable to do anything except run very fast towards the goal before ballooning it over the bar, anyone choosing to play as Liverpool in this game should beware: you’ve got Baros and Djibril Cissé, and very little else, up front.

Real life: After failing to impress Rafa Benitez at Liverpool, Baros nevertheless secured big-money moves to Aston Villa and then Lyon, before returning to England on loan at Portsmouth, for whom he failed to score a single goal.

 


Marco Delvecchio

PES: My long-time PES opponent used to play as Roma, and although Delvecchio was often pressed into service (more out of necessity than anything else) I honestly can’t remember him ever doing anything of note in any of the matches we played. And he was equally useless in my Italy team of earlier games in the series. No pace, not good in the air, never scores goals – basically, the opposite of everything you want in a striker.

Real life: Spent much of his club career at AS Roma. Remarkably, Delvecchio also notched up over 20 caps for the national team, scoring the opening goal in the Euro 2000 final.

 

Stefano Fiore

PES: Some players have crappy stats but you have to give them a game because you’ve got no-one else. Others seem to have the potential to be good so you keep picking them regardless of how ineffectual they’ve been in the past. Fiore is in the latter category, appearing on paper to be an Italian Beckham – ie no pace, but plenty of quality on the ball and good crossing ability – but in practice doing little of note except to hammer the occasional free kick over the bar. Perhaps encouraged by memories of his successful stint on the right-midfield of my Italian ISS Pro Evolution team – when the lack of licenses meant he was known as Flore (pronounced Florrie) – I gave him plenty of chances, but ultimately he disappointed and was, more often than not, substituted. “Oh, Florrie!” I used to sigh, shaking my head as he came trudging off the pitch.

Real life: Fiore’s main successes came at Udinese and Lazio in Serie A, while his spell at Valencia was short-lived and unproductive. Later returned to Italy to play for Fiorentina and Torino, among others.

 

Francisco Rufete

PES: The right-midfield position was a problem for my Valencia side, with the choice of either “Florrie” or any one of a group of largely interchangeable wide-men with reasonable pace but little skill. Whoever played never convinced, and although Rufete was statistically the best, I was relucatant to include him as his ineffectiveness was compounded by his fancy-Dan long hair and shiny white boots.

Real life: Moved to Espanyol in 2006 after five years at Valencia.

 


Francesco Coco

PES: Edgar Davids may be a machine, but sooner or later he might need a rest, or get injured. And when that happens, you’ve got the unedifying choice between this guy and Giovanni “don’t call me Joe” Pasquale. Coco, though, is perfect as the hapless scapegoat. Usefully for a left-back, he’s right footed, and his general ineptitude while on the pitch is at odds with his own vision of himself, evidenced by the white boots and self-indulgent squad number, as either a great player, or some kind of cult hero. And plus there’s the fact that his last name is also shared with that of a popular breakfast cereal, giving plenty of opportunity for piss-taking renditions of the trombone-based ad jingle whenever he gets on the ball.

Real life: After moving from Milan to Inter in 2002, Coco’s career was blighted by injury. Proposed moves to Premier League sides Newcastle and Manchester City both fell through, the latter amid rumours that he turned up for training, while on trial, with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.